Notes from the Holler: February 2015

February 27, 2015

How I met your father, part 24

Part 23 -- The Wedding Ring

Dear favorite offspring,

As you may know, one of the traditional parts of planning a wedding is registering for gifts so friends and family who want to give you presents can get an idea of the types of things you might need to set up and begin your lives together. Since both your father and I lived on our own for several years before we met, we had already amassed what we needed to outfit our homes. There wasn't much that we actually needed apart from the extra sheets and towels that always come in handy. On top of that, your dad wasn't overly interested in looking for things to register for. I finally talked him into it and we went off to Target to browse the aisles and see what we could find.

The customer service representative gave us a little scanner to use to scan the barcodes of the items we were interested in. Once your dad saw how fun it was to scan an item, he took it and ran with it (not literally -- we were not literally running through the store). We spent some time in the camping section, registering for different camping-related items, and some time in the kitchen wares area, registering for things like a tea kettle (since neither of us had a tea kettle sitting around). We had fun working on it together.

Another somewhat-related aspect of planning a wedding is the bridal shower. In July, my mom came up and we drove up to Seth's parents' house for a family shower.

I've already mentioned that my friend Katia threw an advice party for me with a few of our friends in August.

And then there was the bridal shower that Frost hosted a day later, on August 10, involving coworkers of mine and ladies from the church that Seth (and now I) attended. I was somewhat interested in having a couples shower, where both men and women were invited, but your dad was not interested in that. At all. So, we went with a women-only party.

One day, a few weeks earlier, during our morning staff meeting at work, one of the dear, sweet, older women announced the shower. With me in the audience, she proceeded to plead for people to come to the shower so that I wouldn't be embarrassed by no one showing up. Because, apparently, no one was coming otherwise. I seem to recall that she mentioned that had happened to her -- or to someone she knew. At any rate, it was awkward.

And people showed up. Which was even more awkward because did they come because they wanted to celebrate with me or because they felt bad that I didn't have any friends who would have come anyway and they wanted to make sure that I wasn't alone at the shower?

It was an enjoyable time, despite all that, and I had fun cutting the cake at that shower with a cute little cake slicer that Missy S. had brought.

By that time, we were three weeks away from our wedding. We had most of the big picture items ironed out and were working on the details. I don't remember feeling overly stressed during those weeks leading up to the wedding, but I'm sure I was to some degree.

Your dad had been in charge of choosing the honeymoon destination and he settled on a place called Lava Hot Springs, in Idaho. We also decided to drive up through Jackson Hole, WY, to see the Grand Tetons and then take a quick trip through Yellowstone. We worked on finding accommodations in those areas and booked our flights to and from Bozeman, MT. And then I had to change my ticket when I realized that I although I would be "Mrs. Stacia McKeever" in the eyes of the church at that time and had booked the ticket under that name, I wouldn't legally have had my name changed by then and would still be "Stacia Byers" on my government-issued ID. We had booked the tickets in early July and on August 22, after realizing the error in a panic, I begrudgingly paid more money to make the name change.

So, there we were, just a week before we would both be marrying someone we had met only six months previously.

To be continued . . . .

February 26, 2015

How I met your father, part 23

When we went to the jewelry store to choose our rings and I begin trying some one, we realized there was a difficulty with choosing a standard, smooth circle ring -- the kind you think of when you think of "wedding ring." As you may be able to see, the clasps that held the diamond in place weren't even with the rest of the ring, which meant that any wedding we ring I got would have to somehow fit under or with the shape of the ring.

The rings I was trying on weren't butting up against the engagement ring well and it looked awkward and felt even more awkward. I know, I know. It was quite a problem to have.

Finally, the jeweler suggested something different. He suggested a shadow band with something that would slide into the engagement ring to keep them together and the engagement ring from twisting around on my finger. I believe there's some kind of name for this style of ring but I have no idea what it is.

This is what we came up with.

And there you have it. With much more quickness, we chose your father's wedding ring (which, by the way, he has since lost), ordered them both, and they were delivered to us later (but before the wedding).

To be continued . . . .

February 24, 2015

How I met your father, part 22

Part 1 -- The Hayride
Part 2 -- The Interview with Seth
Part 3 -- The Interim
Part 4 -- The Rook Party
Part 5 -- The Meeting
Part 6 -- The Sign
Part 7 -- The Phone Call
Part 8 -- The Dinner Party
Part 9 -- The History Channel
Part 10 -- The Trip to England
Part 11 -- The Homecoming
Part 12 -- The Interview with Seth (part 2)
Part 13 -- The EE Questions
Part 14 -- The April Phase
Part 15 -- The Birthday
Part 16 -- The Engagement
Part 17 -- The Memorial Day Picnic
Part 18 -- The Official Engagement
Part 19 -- The Date
Part 20 -- The Family Participation
Part 21 -- The Wedding Dress

Our darling children,

During the summer of 2002, as we were preparing for our wedding at the end of August, we met with your father's pastor for premarital counseling. We had decided that we would would continue to attend his church after we were married, which meant I would need to say good-bye to the church I'd been attending and serving in for several years. The premarital counseling was a good opportunity to talk through various issues, but I'm now of the opinion that premarital counseling should continue into the first few months after the wedding, if not an entire year (or two). It's one thing to talk about how to handle differences; it's quite another thing to put that talk into action when you begin living in close proximity with another sinner who has also been saved by grace and is working out his (or her) sanctification with you as his (or her) sanctifying agent. I would think that most newly married couples would benefit from postmarital counseling as much as they benefited from premarital counseling. And, for the pastors reading this (of which there are probably none), maybe it would also be a good idea to continue with annual four-week check-in counseling sessions as the years go on. Just sayin'. (And, no, this isn't a plea for help in our current marriage; we're doing well. I just happen to think that every married couple could probably benefit from another couple coming alongside them in discipleship and encouragement every once in awhile.) Anyone else with me on this?

At any rate, we didn't uncover any deep, dark secrets during the counseling sessions and so the marriage was still on. There was a slight surrealness that I was in the throes of planning a wedding with a man I'd known for a little over four months, but I was so comfortable around him that the time factor just didn't seem to be a big deal.

I had asked my sister, my favorite friend from college (Lauralei), and Frost (of course) to be my bridesmaids and set about finding dresses for them to wear. My first thought was that I would find something simple yet elegant from a catalog and so I started browsing the Chadwick's of Boston website. I had ordered several items from them previous and liked the look and feel of their clothing lines. The only problem was that every time I found a dress I liked, it wasn't available in the three different sizes I needed.

I finally gave up on that idea and, because I wanted to provide the dresses for my bridesmaids (rather than making them pay for them), I decided that I would make the dresses -- or rather (since I'm no seamstress) have the dresses made. A coworker and former roommate of mine was (and still is) an excellent seamstress and so I asked Diane if she would make the dresses for me and she agreed. That meant I needed to find a pattern and fabric that I liked.

In June, your dad and I went to visit with your Aunt Katy, Uncle Dan, and cousin Hannah, who lived a few hours away. While we were there, we went to a nearby park for a picnic and played some croquet. At the park, we met a funny little raccoon who was bold enough to come right up to the trashcan and steal food from it. Your dad tried to see how close he could get to the rascal. I did not. Thankfully, the raccoon did not try to see how close it could get to your dad.

The other thing we did during that visit was to check out some fabric stores. I found a pattern I liked and also picked up some fabric. And then I brought it all back for Diane to make into bridesmaid dresses. She took the measurements, started sewing, and eventually turned the pattern and fabric into these dresses.

Seth asked his two brothers and Roger (of course) to be his groomsmen. We rented tuxes for them and Roger didn't stop smiling that whole day.

Your cousins Trent, Trevor, and Pearl were the ring bearers and flower girl, respectively.

Trent was about two years old at that time and was excited about being in the wedding . . . until the time came for him to walk down the aisle . . . .

But I'm getting ahead of myself. There were still wedding rings to choose, bridal showers to attend, and last minute details to pull together.

To be continued . . . .

February 22, 2015

How I met your father, part 21

Part 1 -- The Hayride
Part 2 -- The Interview with Seth
Part 3 -- The Interim
Part 4 -- The Rook Party
Part 5 -- The Meeting
Part 6 -- The Sign
Part 7 -- The Phone Call
Part 8 -- The Dinner Party
Part 9 -- The History Channel
Part 10 -- The Trip to England
Part 11 -- The Homecoming
Part 12 -- The Interview with Seth (part 2)
Part 13 -- The EE Questions
Part 14 -- The April Phase
Part 15 -- The Birthday
Part 16 -- The Engagement
Part 17 -- The Memorial Day Picnic
Part 18 -- The Official Engagement
Part 19 -- The Date
Part 20 -- The Family Participation

Dear Sons,

Wedding plans were in full swing. We had a budget of $2,000 for the wedding and we intended to stick to it. Having your dad's family gift us a wedding cake and invitations and decorations was an amazing blessing. But there was still a lot to do.

The next order of business was wedding-dress shopping. My friend Katia and I went to the bridal district in Cincinnati on Friday, June 14, to look for a dress. I didn't know exactly what I was looking for except that I wanted it to be simple yet elegant. I wasn't big on the fancy-schmancy dresses with lots of lace and frills and puffed sleeves (name that movie), and I didn't want one with a long train. I also wasn't planning on wearing a veil. I didn't want the dress to take up the majority of our budget and really didn't want to spend that much on something I'd only wear once, anyway. I also don't really enjoy window shopping -- I like to go into a store, find what I want, buy it, and get out. I was hoping that MO would work for finding a wedding dress, too.

Our work was cut out for us.

That afternoon, we were a limited on time because Katia had a plane to catch in the late afternoon. So, we quickly browsed through several stores without finding what I was looking for. It was a bit daunting looking through all the variety of dresses and trying to choose the one for me.

We finally came to a store that had rows of bridesmaid dresses. I wasn't particularly looking for bridesmaid dresses at that time, but figured it wouldn't hurt to glance through them to see if any caught my eye. And there, among those dresses meant for the attendants to the bride, I found a dress that was exactly what I was unknowingly looking for. I tried it on and loved it even more. It was perfect. And it even came in white.

Right about that time, we realized we needed to leave in order to get Katia to the airport on time. Actually, it was past time for us to leave -- we were late. We got in the car and started driving down the interstate, only to find that an accident was stopping traffic. We were even more late. And, because a river stood between us and the airport, there weren't that many alternate ways to get to where we needed to be. Somehow, and I don't quite remember how, we maneuvered our way to the airport and arrived about 30 minutes before her plane departed. And somehow she made her flight.

But I didn't have a dress.

The next day, I returned to the shop, tried on the dress again, placed an order for it in my size, and bought it. The other plus was that it was right within my price range, coming in at about $100.

Finding a dress? Check.

A coworker who was a graphic designer offered to design the wedding programs for us. She wanted to include a photo of us on it so one afternoon, we went downtown, again with Katia, to take some photos. These are a few photos from that session.

And this is how the programs turned out:

Wedding programs? Check.

I asked two other coworkers, who were into videography, if they would video the ceremony for us and they agreed. Another coworker, who was just getting into photography, agreed to photo-journal the day for us. And another friend recommended a local photographer to do the professional photographs for us.

Check, check, and check.

Throughout all the planning, I kept asking your dad, "How are you doing? Are you ok with all this?" And he continued to assure me that he fine but that he thought we should elope. Despite his elopement tendencies, it was all coming together quickly.

Except the bridesmaid dresses. I was having a difficult time finding what I wanted for my bridesmaids to wear.

To be continued . . . .

How I met your father, part 20

Part 1 -- The Hayride
Part 2 -- The Interview with Seth
Part 3 -- The Interim
Part 4 -- The Rook Party
Part 5 -- The Meeting
Part 6 -- The Sign
Part 7 -- The Phone Call
Part 8 -- The Dinner Party
Part 9 -- The History Channel
Part 10 -- The Trip to England
Part 11 -- The Homecoming
Part 12 -- The Interview with Seth (part 2)
Part 13 -- The EE Questions
Part 14 -- The April Phase
Part 15 -- The Birthday
Part 16 -- The Engagement
Part 17 -- The Memorial Day Picnic
Part 18 -- The Official Engagement
Part 19 -- The Date

Dear Kieran and Cael,

Thank you for so patiently bearing with me through the previous 19 episodes of How I Met Your Father. At this point in the story, I feel like saying, "Skip to the end . . . man and wife . . . and then we were married." But I also realize that I've come this far so I might as well finish out the story in like fashion.

By the middle of June 2002, we were planning our wedding. Or, rather, I was planning our wedding and your dad was nodding and saying "yes" or "no" to the questions I was asking about our wedding, in between suggesting that we should really just elope instead of all indulging in all the hoopla. Admittedly, there were a few times throughout the planning stage when the stress of pulling together all the details became overwhelming that I almost took him up on his offer. My mom talked me down off the ledge, and the planning continued.

One of the first considerations was the wedding party. I wanted to have a smaller wedding party but couldn't figure out how to make that happen since your dad has 5 sisters and I had a few friends I wanted to have stand up with me. I wanted our wedding to be a family and friends affair because, to me, a wedding is a showcase for the covenant two people are making before God, but also before their friends and family. Although marriage is between a husband and wife, having a good marriage is easier with the support and encouragement of those around whom we love and who love us. And so I wanted to include all of our family as much as possible in our wedding. Which meant that I was facing the inclusion of 5 sisters on my side plus my friends. It just seemed liked a lot of people to be standing up with us.

Thankfully, when I started talking with your dad's older sisters about the wedding, one of them mentioned right away that they had previously agreed they didn't need to be in each other's wedding party but would happily help out in various ways with the wedding. So, I took a cue from them and asked them how they'd like to help.

As you know, your Aunt Katy is an excellent cook and makes and decorates beautiful cakes (remember that delicious peanut butter pie she whipped up for your 6th birthday, Kieran?). So, I asked her to make our wedding cake and also to cater the reception (now that I look back on it, I'm amazed she agreed to take that on). We wanted to keep things on the simple side and the cake she came up with was just perfect for us. This is skipping ahead just a bit, but here's how it turned out:

Your Aunt Ruth volunteered to help with the decorations. And your Aunt Rose offered to make our invitations. She came up with this design -- the one pictured here is in a picture frame in our room; the actual invitations had a little ribbon tied at the top. I loved it.

I asked cousin Hannah and your Aunt Mimi to attend the guest book. Your uncles served as groomsmen and ushers, and cousins Trent and Trevor were the ring bearers while cousin Pearl was the flower girl.

Figuring out where everyone would fit best was a weight off my mind as we entered the frenzy of preparing for a wedding just a little over two months away. But there were still so many more details to pull together.

To be continued . . . .

February 20, 2015

How I met your father, part 19

Part 1 -- The Hayride
Part 2 -- The Interview with Seth
Part 3 -- The Interim
Part 4 -- The Rook Party
Part 5 -- The Meeting
Part 6 -- The Sign
Part 7 -- The Phone Call
Part 8 -- The Dinner Party
Part 9 -- The History Channel
Part 10 -- The Trip to England
Part 11 -- The Homecoming
Part 12 -- The Interview with Seth (part 2)
Part 13 -- The EE Questions
Part 14 -- The April Phase
Part 15 -- The Birthday
Part 16 -- The Engagement
Part 17 -- The Memorial Day Picnic
Part 18 -- The Official Engagement

Dear Boys,

By the time you're able to read this, you'll probably have figured out that your dad does not like to attend large parties. And he doesn't like to be the center of attention. Even more, he dislikes attending large parties wherein he is the center of attention. As in, say, his own wedding. He dislikes that type of thing so much that from the beginning of our engagement he was advocating for elopement. Even today, if you ask him about our wedding, he'll tell you, "We should have eloped." And, if for some reason, you were to ask him for his opinion (and even if you don't ask him for his opinion) on your upcoming marriage, he'll tell you, "Elope."

Your mother, on the other hand, well, let's just say that at one point in her life someone had given her a T-shirt that read, "It's all about me." So starring in her own wedding seemed right up her alley. And getting your father to participate in the wedding planning seemed impossible. But once our engagement was official, we jumped into pulling together a wedding. One that would reflect the covenant nature of marriage and would invite our friends and family to participate in that covenant with us.

The first order of business was to decide on a date for our nuptials. We were both out of school, had good jobs, weren't saddled with mountains of debt, had (individual) homes -- in short, we didn't have any of the usual reasons people give to wait to get married. In fact, this phrase kept coming to mind, "When you find the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible."

After discussing it for a short while with each other and our families, we settled on August 31 -- a little less than three months away. August was a month that, for some time, I'd thought would make a good month to be married in. It's a quiet month -- it doesn't boast any other major holidays to interfere with or cause scheduling conflicts with an anniversary. And it provides a nice end to summer and transition into autumn -- something to look forward to during the dog days of summer and something to look back on during the harsh entrance of winter. We settled on that last day of August because we figured we'd be able to get more mileage out of an anniversary that was in close proximity to Labor Day. And, more pragmatically, we also thought that would make it easier for Seth to remember (he freely admits that remembering dates aren't his forte).

Later, I found out we shared that anniversary time with my maternal grandparents. My mom sent me this email, after talking with my Grandpa Wally:

He said he and Ann [her full name was Anastasia -- a name that came from her mother and was passed on to her daughter -- my mother; my name comes from a reversal of her name: Stacia Ann] were married on August 29, 1941, on a Friday evening, Labor Day weekend at the parish house. (She was Catholic.) Robert and Millie Moe stood with them. Grandpa worked with Robert at General Electric in Schenectady. Ann worked there as well, but Millie was responsible for introducing her to him. It was late when they finished up at the parish house so Ann and Wally went back to the apartment to spend their first night. He said their friends ribbed them about that - not going on the honeymoon right away. Then the next day they went about 40 miles north, near Lake George to spend a few days.

So, we had the date set. It was time to move on to the details.

To be continued . . . .

As an aside, I was in a friend's wedding during June and these are some pictures of your dad and me from that time.

My friend let us take home the plant decorations, which is why Seth is carrying a plant. (And, although I don't want you to name that movie because it's not one that I recommend anyone see, this phrase comes to mind, "I carried a watermelon.")

February 19, 2015

How I met your father, part 18

Later that afternoon, our friends Dan and Marcia came over for dinner and we went to one of those fancy-schmancy Tour of Homes things because we (excluding your dad) liked to gawk and gaze at the beautiful decorating ideas showcased in those homes.

And so your dad and I were now officially engaged.

Which meant it was now time to start planning a wedding.

To be continued . . . .

As a fun aside, a few weeks after this, Dan filled in the question mark on his previous sketch and sent me this:

February 18, 2015

How I met your father, part 17

Part 1 -- The Hayride
Part 2 -- The Interview with Seth
Part 3 -- The Interim
Part 4 -- The Rook Party
Part 5 -- The Meeting
Part 6 -- The Sign
Part 7 -- The Phone Call
Part 8 -- The Dinner Party
Part 9 -- The History Channel
Part 10 -- The Trip to England
Part 11 -- The Homecoming
Part 12 -- The Interview with Seth (part 2)
Part 13 -- The EE Questions
Part 14 -- The April Phase
Part 15 -- The Birthday
Part 16 -- The Engagement

Dear K and C,

So, let's see, where were we? Oh yes, I was about to meet your father's family for the first time over the Memorial Day weekend. As you know, your dad is number five in a family of eight children -- he has five sisters and two brothers. And, at that time, four of the siblings were married and had children, providing even more people to get to know.

Thankfully, most of the siblings had given your dad family photos that he kept in his wallet, so we spend some time going through them so that I could figure out who went with whom and where in the sibling line they fell. I believe in being prepared. Especially for a family onslaught . . . I mean get-together.

We drove to your Grandma's house and he took me on a little tour of the town. And then we went to the house, where I met the first round of siblings. Some were staying at the house with us and one of those siblings was Katy (and her family). On the day of the family get-together, Katy rode with us in your dad's truck to the place where the picnic was taking place. (Did I mention that I was never really a "truck" girl growing up? And also that he drove a Ford truck? I came from a Chevy family. It was a lot to get over, but somehow I managed, and we were engaged despite my having to ride around in a Ford truck.)

On the way there, Katy kept the conversation going (as she likes to do). And somehow, among the chatter, the topic of "so what's going on with you guys?" came up. And somehow, swearing her to secrecy upon pain of death, we told her that we were engaged but weren't telling anyone just yet.

I suppose it wasn't a huge secret to most members of the family. I mean, it wasn't every weekend -- or every Memorial Day -- that your dad brought a girl home to meet his family. In fact, when we were talking to your grandma this evening, she mentioned that she figured there was more to the story than we were letting on at that time.

So, off we went to the picnic to meet the family. And, it seemed like there were a lot of them to meet. Sisters, brothers, in-laws, nieces, nephews. There was a lot going on. Perhaps not surprisingly, your dad generally left me on my own to fend for myself while he played football and other games with his brothers and nephews (this was in the days before he developed back and knee problems -- we were so young then . . . .). I was grilled by one or two of the brothers-in-law, and chatted with the sisters and sister-in-law and mother. SIL Bethany remembers I told her, "He's what I want" at the picnic. She also says, "I remember him by your side most of the day with his arm around you. I remember thinking, 'oh, how sweet......I wonder how long that will last'......seeing as the men in the family don't typically participate in public displays of affection. :)"

The memories that I have of that day are pleasant. He comes from a lovely Christian family, and I enjoyed meeting and getting to know them just a bit.

The next weekend, my parents would be in town and meeting Seth for the very first time.

To be continued . . . .

February 16, 2015

How I met your father, part 16

Part 1 -- The Hayride
Part 2 -- The Interview with Seth
Part 3 -- The Interim
Part 4 -- The Rook Party
Part 5 -- The Meeting
Part 6 -- The Sign
Part 7 -- The Phone Call
Part 8 -- The Dinner Party
Part 9 -- The History Channel
Part 10 -- The Trip to England
Part 11 -- The Homecoming
Part 12 -- The Interview with Seth (part 2)
Part 13 -- The EE Questions
Part 14 -- The April Phase
Part 15 -- The Birthday

Dear Cael and Kieran,

By the end of April, I had known your dad for about two-and-a-half months. And, by the end of April, I was sure he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. No more checking off items on my list, no more waiting for a beam of light to come from the sky and settle on his head, no more thinking, "should I or shouldn't I?" They say, "when you know, you know," and it's true. I knew. And, from what he's told me before, your dad also knew by then that I was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. It was wuv, twu wuv (name that movie).

When your dad was in the Navy, he developed a love of doing things without any planning. When the ship pulled into a port, he and his buddies would figure out what the port offered and then do it -- no pre-planning involved. He drove across the desert in order to get to a great place to SCUBA dive, wandered in Turkish bazaars looking for souvenirs, toured the cathedrals and museums of Rome and Florence, took in the history of Greece, visited the sights in Israel. He was a free spirit (or something like that).

That no-plan free-spiritedness carried over into how we got engaged, which happened during the month of May.

In recent years, I've seen a lot of fun videos showing different some pretty amazing proposals. I'm amazed by how much time and effort a guy can put into asking his girlfriend to marry him. Even if YouTube had been a big thing in 2002, your dad would not have been one of those guys posting their "This guy asked his girlfriend to marry him; how he did it will AMAZE you" videos for all to see. "Flashy" and "showy" are not part of his MO.

His low-key approach to life also carried over into how we got engaged, which happened (if I remember correctly) on May 16.

We were hanging out at my condo and I was pontificating about something that had to do with marriage. I'm not quite sure what point I was trying to convey, but when I was finished, apparently he thought a proposal would be in order so he said . . . wait for it . . . "So . . . do you want to get married?"

And I said "yes!"

Unplanned, unshowy, and unconventional to say the least. But it worked for me. It was who he was and who we were as a couple. I was thrilled to be engaged to the man I'd come to love and respect in such a short time -- my Seth.

I asked your dad the other day if he would have wanted to do it any differently and he said, "No." So there you go.

It was so spontaneous that he didn't even have a ring. And he hadn't talked to my parents. So, we didn't want to tell anyone what had transpired until he had talked to my parents, who would be visiting in early June. Which meant that we had to keep it under wraps when we went to visit his family at the end of May.

To be continued . . . .

February 14, 2015

How I met your father, part 15

I first discovered your dad's mad baking skilz when we celebrated my birthday together for the very first time.

By the end of April, we'd spent quite a bit of time together getting to know each other. Your dad didn't have email at that time (I don't think his home computer was working or wasn't hooked up or something like that). He also didn't have a cell phone and wasn't able to text like we do now. So all our conversations happened in person or over the phone. The more time I spent with your dad, the more comfortable I felt around him. He was safe and I didn't feel the need to impress him or act in any way that wasn't me. He accepted me as I was (witness the car-parking and friend-laughing incidents from the previous post) and I liked him for who he was. I just enjoyed being with him. (And I still do.) I'd never known that kind of comfort level with anyone else.

There was a song featured in one of my favorite movies, You've Got Mail, that I felt kind of summed up all of what I was feeling -- "Anyone at All" by Carole King. (As an aside, I wanted to play it at our wedding but wiser heads prevailed and we didn't.)

When it came to my birthday, I went over to his place (our current home in the Holler). Somewhere along the line, he'd found out red velvet was my favorite, and he surprised me with a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting that he had made and decorated. This is the very first picture we had taken together (his brother who lived with him at the time was the photographer). As you can see, we had already sampled a few slices before deciding to photograph the moment.

We also both got dressed up (I remember being undecided on the color of nylons I should wear), and he took me out to a very nice French restaurant for dinner. And, I think I'm right in recalling this was the year for this present -- he also gave me a map of the world. We'd talked a lot about our mutual enjoyment of travel and he bought me a map so that I (and later "we") could keep track of the places I'd been and the places I wanted to visit. We still have that map (although we haven't figured out a good place to display it because it's rather large). In terms of birthday presents, that was a home run, in my opinion. It remains one of my favorite birthday gifts of all time. It reminds me of a line in another favorite movie of mine, "He gave me the world" (name that movie).

It was also on my birthday that I sent this email to a friend:

Last night, Seth told me his mom invited him up to visit her over Memorial Day weekend..and he invited me to go with him! And the thing is --- that doesn't freak me out. I'm very fine with pursuing a 'meaningful' relationship with Seth, and with meeting his family (in fact - I want to!).

What would the month of May bring between my birthday and the Memorial Day Meeting of the Family?

To be continued . . . .

How I met your father, part 14

I know you're hating this whole radiometric dating article thing, but look at the bright side of it. You could use it as a great lead in with Seth about your views on another kind of 'dating'. 'Oh this whole radiometric dating thing makes me so mad... you know, there's another kind of dating I don't agree with either...'.)

On the evening of April 4, we went to his house to watch some kind of astronomical phenomena that involved a comet intersecting with a galaxy. As you know, there isn't much ambient light around our house in the Holler (except for the neighbor's flood light) and the stars in the skies are easy to see on clear nights.

On April 11, 2002, I wrote this to my dad (GrandBob, as you know him). My parents (your grandparents) lived 1,000 miles away so they weren't able to meet and get to know Seth as I did. But I wanted them to stay connected with what was going on, so I tried to keep them in the loop through emails and phone calls as much as possible.

Last night he came over and went with me to get the e-check [the state-mandated emissions testing on my car] done, then for supper we went to Fuddrucker's, then played a game of mini-golf, then went back to my place and re-potted one of my plants, then he stayed and talked til late. I just really enjoy being with him.

What I didn't mention in that email was that when we went to play mini-golf, I drove. When we got to the mini-golf place, I parked the car in the parking lot. For some reason your dad was looking at me funny. When I got out, I realized I hadn't actually parked the car in a parking space but had instead chosen a random area in which to park the car. He raised his eyebrow at me, and I remedied the situation. Amazingly, my inability to park a car did not off-put your father. (Although, your dad to. this. day. still brings that up.)

And on that same day, I emailed this to my sister (your Aunt Kenda):

Seth is intelligent, kind, fun to be with, knows how to fix cars, has lots of land and a cute house, a good job, and --- most importantly --- loves the Lord, and likes to ask theological questions. He's good with kids, and with building stuff, likes to watch the history channel, and the discovery and learning channels (never mind that he also likes to watch Sponge Bob!)...likes to camp, go mountain biking, has been rafting down the same river in WV that I rafted down, is from PA originally, was in the Navy 6 years, now works as an electrician in a packaging plant... What else can I tell you? Lord willing, he's the one for me.

[Whoa -- did you catch that last sentence?!]

Another time, he hosted a bonfire at his house (up on the top of that big hill behind the chicken coop). He and his brother had been chopping down trees on the 20+ acres of woods that he owned in order to make hiking trails through the woods and they were ready to burn the wood. Somehow I jumped into the mix and invited several more people (Frost and Roger and Dan and Marcia). It was a fun time and we roasted things and then went for a walk through the newly-hewed trails. At one point, Dan was crossing a small a stream and somehow his shoe came off in the mud and he was left precariously balancing on a small stone. Seth grabbed him before he could fall. I stood there and laughed. And then laughed some more. Really, it was funny. Eventually, your dad jolted me back to reality by saying, "Please retrieve the shoe." Which I did. And we continued to our walk. Amazingly, my lack of sympathy for Dan did not off-put your father.

He started attending a weekly Bible study that I'd been going to hosted by some coworkers and friends of mine.

On April 23, we went to a professional baseball game. Your dad had been given tickets to the game from a vendor that he worked with and he invited me and two other people -- Dan and Marcia. We had moved into the hand-holding stage by this point (there was some light-hearted teasing from Dan at the game). I know that holding hands doesn't seem like a big deal in this day and age, but the physical component to our relationship was something we wanted to keep more under control so we were moving slowly in that area. We both believed (and still believe) that sex (first time I've ever used that word on this blog!) is right and good within the marriage relationship and we tried to make sure we careful with our physical contact until that time.

And, on April 25, my friend Dan sent me this wise piece of advice (on marriage of all things! Can you believe I was actually contemplating marriage with a man I'd met barely two months before?!):

Before marriage keep your eyes wide open. After marriage keep them half shut. I have always liked the wisdom and insight of that little saying. How are things going in the EWO (Eyes Wide Open) department? Not that you have to spell it all out for me detail by detail. I just want to plant that reminder for you as an encouragement to keep looking and inspecting carefully. This is your time of information gathering. Use it to its fullest. As the relationship progresses and the 'feelings clouds' start to form, it can be easy to see things and look right past them. Then, later you have to purpose yourself to put those things in the category of things to which I'm shutting my eyes. Also, what things about him would you change if you could? Have you found any of those things? Think about that too. Make that list, and then burn it because you can't change him. I'm not saying he won't change, but don't go into thinking about the future with a list of renovation ideas. Maybe these two thoughts are really the same thing, but just different angles from which to think about them. Keep your eyes sharp, in focus, and WIDE open. More of my .02 cents.

I believe your father would agree that is what we were trying to do during that time of getting to know each other. Although we were enjoying the time we spent with each other, there were quite a few "so, how do you feel about X" conversations and also evaluating each other in the various settings. We wanted to be deliberate in what we learned about one another and take the time we had to find out all that we could about this person we had just met a few weeks ago.

Toward the end of the month, as you know, my birthday celebration happens. My family had always made a big deal of birthdays, so celebrating them had been important to me. How would your father do in that department? It was time to find out.

To be continued . . . .

February 12, 2015

How I met your father, part 13

My favorite Kieran and my favorite Cael,

By the time you're old enough to read -- and appreciate -- this series, I hope we've instilled in you a love for our God and His Word. And I pray you've embraced that love for your own. We want you to see the Bible as the inspired Word of the one true God and to gain wisdom from it for every area of life that it touches on. One of those areas pertains to the matter of choosing a spouse. It's true that Jesus hasn't given us very specific guidelines on how, exactly, to choose a marriage partner, but He does give us some guidelines on what's important when it comes to marrying. One of those principles is that it's wise to marry someone who shares the same belief system -- the same love for Him and the same desire to follow and live for Him (see, for example, 2 Corinthians 6:14).

Based on that, I knew the guy I married would need to be a Christian -- someone who had received the gift of eternal life by repenting of his sin and believing that Jesus is the only Savior from that sin through His death and Resurrection. Your dad and I had talked about where we were spiritually up to this point, but, as you know, going to church and talking about God doesn't necessarily mean you've received the gift of eternal life. I wanted to make sure we were on the same page, but I didn't quite know how to turn the conversation in that direction.

I returned from England near the end of March, which, in 2002, meant that Easter was upon us. Your dad had originally made plans to visit his parents that weekend, but he ended up working long days both Friday and Saturday. (It impressed me that he was interested in spending time with his family and willing to drive several hours to be with them.)

So, Saturday evening he called me after he got home from work (as he'd taken to doing) and I ended up inviting him to the Easter dinner that I was attending with friends -- Shari and her family and Dan and Marcia were there. We had a nice dinner and time of fellowship. And, because it was a warm day in a warm house, your dad's ears were bright red the entire time. It made me smile.

After we left, as we were driving, I decided on my plan of action. At that time, I was going through an Evangelism Explosion course at my church and had a little booklet that I was supposed to be reviewing on the dashboard of my car. Your dad must have been driving (he gets carsick very easily), because I grabbed the booklet and said something to the effect of, "Hey, here's what I'm studying -- can you help me review?" And then proceeded to ask those two questions that begin an EE presentation that provide a great lead-in to sharing the gospel:

*If you were to die tonight, do you know for certain that you would go to heaven when you die?
*What would you say if God were to ask you, "Why should I let you into my heaven?"

Your dad answered them appropriately. And that was the biggest -- and last -- item that I needed to check off my List of Attributes in a Husband.

It was also that evening that your dad found out what a (not-so) fabulous cook I am. I had made a family favorite to take to dinner -- pineapple bread casserole -- and for some reason it was a lot more "goopy" than it was supposed to be. Later that evening, when we were looking in the refrigerator for something to eat, I realize the eggs that were supposed to go in the casserole were still sitting in the fridge. I'd forgotten to add them (probably because I was distracted by your father's presence while I was making it). Thankfully, "Is a Good Cook" was not on your dad's (nonexistent) List of Attributes in a Wife because the relationship probably would have ended there.

But it didn't.